I miss being in a relationship right now.
I’ve been talking to this one guy, and he’s really nice. he lives far but idk. it’s okay. but after a crappy night all I wanted to do was talk to him. I barely know this person and I’ve already made myself depend on him to make me feel better. I just want to talk to this guy and even if we don’t talk about my problem, my crappy night, I’d still just feel better talking to him.
I miss Neil a lot right now too. he was the person that used to be there for me. but he’s not any more. I hate that he won’t talk to me. I miss him so much.
so confused I hate this. I miss him. I hate that I’m forgetting details about him. I hate that in a month i might not remember the things I remember now
it scares me and I hate it. I hate that he won’t talk to me any more. I don’t understand. I didn’t do anything to him. he promised me friendship and so much other crap that I wouldn’t have dared ask for and he took it all away. why? I miss you. I just wanted to see you even one more time. see your face, remember your smell, one last hug. anything. but nothing.
hung out with a guy for the first time since Neil. I guess it was like a double date kinda.
I’m so awkward.
we kissed a lot but I don’t think he was interested in any other way.
I’m going out with another guy on Friday. he pushes my buttons but I kinda like it.
I don’t think I want anything from any of these people.
they don’t matter and even though Neil doesn’t really matter any more either I still feel like shit about everything and I’m still so hurt.
I hate this. I hate that even when I’ve moved on I still haven’t even moved on.