wow i miss real kisses. like ones with meaning and feelings and emotion behind it. like not one because you think youre supposed to and not one thats just for lust and not one that leads to something else. just a passionate kiss, maybe even a makeout. but… you dont find that at a college party.
being with Neil has made me raise my expectations for other men in so many ways. he was literally perfect and I can accept that we’re not together any more but holy shit I’ve raised the bar so much because of him. no one should treat me any less than how Neil treated me. like a motha fuckin princess. and I never even asked him to. he just did it on his own. bless him. he’ll make any girl happy.
imagine how it wouldve been if me and neil were in a longer relationship and still broke up.
or if you are with anyone for years and years and it ends. how do you even recover? neil was just a speck in comparison to what my whole life is, and its torture getting over him. imagine how much worse it couldve been though
but imagine finding a person that you stay with forever. what bliss. to actually be that fucking happy for the rest of your life.
this birthday kinda sucked. I mean. people here just don’t know it’s my birthday and idk. I didn’t celebrate, I spent all day in classes, tried to go out and it was pretty dull.
I kinda hoped that Neil would talk to me today and say happy birthday but he didn’t. he probably just forgot about it and didn’t see it on Facebook. that’s fine I guess but. *sigh*. I had hopes. I miss him so much.
I want to talk to him so badly but I’m always afraid that it’ll make me sad to and I know that I wouldn’t be able to see him any time soon just because of how busy I am and how busy he probably is. ugh I just miss him.
I’ve met so many people here and I wish I could just move on but my feelings for him are really holding me back. I don’t need closure. I need to get over it. but that’s fucking hard.
it’s my birthday and I’m sad and I miss Neil.